Fantasy Football

“Tough situation here for the Milwaukee Beers, Bill. Their Cinderella season now hangs in the balance as they face possible elimination.”

“That’s right, Chuck. The referees are deliberating at midfield and, now some confirmation from the grand referee, yes, it looks like they’re going to —”

“Oh, no.”

“ — banish the quarterback for that incomplete pass. His third in a row meaning he will now spend eternity in the Void.”

“You hate to see that, Bill. A young guy like that competing hard after coming off the bench in Purgatory.”

“His backup’s trotting to the huddle. With seconds remaining, this may be the end of the game and a life-preserving win for the Nebraska Corn.”

“The huddle breaks. Play clock winding down. And here’s the snap. Drops back to pass. You’re kidding me, Chuck! The linebacker has melted the offensive line!”

“Enormous blast from his heat vision, Bill.”

“Blitz incoming. The quarterback is scrambling, dodged a beheading from the defensive end.”

“Guy’s light on his feet, Bill.”

“He catapults the ball into the air. He’s going deep.”

“Going long.”

“It’s — it’s overthrown! The fourth hourglass is empty and the Nebraska Corn remain alive.”

“You hate to see a game end like this, Bill, but the Corn did a great job resurrecting their offense in the second half.”

“That’s right, Chuck. It’s not easy to pull off football necromancy, but the Corn have done it and the Beers will now be consumed by the Unholy Devourer. May their sacrifice appease Your unending hunger.”

“That’s all for me, Bill Larry, and my colleague, Chuck Beezelbub. From all of us at the Extradimensional Football Cabal, we wish you a pleasant remaining existence.”

Microfiction entry 11.22.2020
Art by Gerhard van Wyk (@grrrhard)

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